Tips on Introducing a New Baby to a Toddler

The things we did before AND after baby's arrival to ease the transition

Welcome to “the Moms Know Best”, the guide to modern motherhood featuring the best tips, recipes, and hacks from moms online. Follow along, subscribe, send to your friends and expect an email a few times a week from me in your inboxes.

Adding a new baby into the toddler’s life is obviously a MAJOR adjustment. And I say that as an only child who never had to get used to cohabitating with any other sibling.

Once I was pregnant, I turned to moms online to find out what has worked for others with the goal of making the transition into big sisterhood as easy as possible for Annie who turned three two weeks before her baby sister was born.

These are the five most cited tips for things to do before baby’s arrival and the five things to do after baby is born and my analysis of how they worked for us.

---

Things to do before baby arrives

1. Tip #1 — Talk about baby often with your toddler and role play with their stuffies. Toddlers at age three are still very self-absorbed so we spent lots of time talking to Annie about what the new baby means for her. I often use her stuffies and dolls as storytellers. She seems sometimes more apt to listen if it’s coming from a play situation with her doll than just sitting and listening to me. Her dolls got to hear all about how Annie was going to be an amazing big sister. We talked about how little things in her life would change, but all the big things (mommy and daddy, her room, her school etc) were not going to change.

2. Tip #2 — Keep expectations low and not push baby talk or baby prep if they aren’t into it. This is a general life motto of mine for most things related to toddlers. They are unpredictable so it’s best to lower expectations and remain flexible. For baby prep, I kept expectations VERY low for how much Annie wanted to engage with the prep and the excitement of all things baby. Some days she wanted to poke my belly and talk about being a big sister and then there would be weeks straight where it was clear she wanted nothing to do with it. I just went off her vibes.

3. Tip #3 — Have your toddler buy the baby a gift and vice versa. A gift from the baby to the toddler was probably the most recommended tip I saw online. Annie also loves shopping so I had her come to a store with me and pick out a rattle for the baby. And the baby bought Annie a diaper bag for her dolls.

4. Tip #4 — Consume lots of media about new babies via TV shows and books. What to Expect made this amazing chart outlining the TV show episodes about new babies. We watched the Daniel Tiger episodes on repeat leading up to Olivia’s birth.

   

   We also read lots of books. These were our favorites:

   • “Big Brother Daniel” - reinforcing what she learned in the episode.

   • two Lovevery books “Baby is Born” and “Baby is Here” - Annie loves any book Lovevery makes. The real pictures of kids and babies make the stories seem real to kids. Highly recommend these.

   • “I’m a Big Sister” - I wanted one that talked specifically about being a sister and what that meant.

   • “You Were the First” - a beautiful book that talks about what it means to be the first baby. I may have ugly cried after reading this the first time.

5. Tip #5 — Involve the toddler in as much baby prep as you can. Annie loves organizing and sorting things so I had her help with lots of things before baby came. She helped me sort all of her old baby clothes and put them in drawers. She went to Target with me and bought diapers. She helped me wash bottles and get out baby toys. It was quality time for us to spend together and helped prep her for all the many things babies have.

---

Things to do after baby comes home

1. Tip #1 — Don’t hold the baby when you see your toddler for the first time. This was the number one recommendation all moms online said. Whether you have your toddler come to the hospital to meet the baby or you bring the baby home to meet them, focus solely on your toddler when you see them for the first time. Have the baby in the car seat or in their bassinet and just let them be. Give your toddler the personal attention they need first before bringing the baby into it. And if they have no interest in meeting the baby, that is totally okay! Annie was excited to meet her sister, but first wanted big hugs and attention from me.

2. Tip #2 — Always tend to the toddler first. Babies and toddlers both have constant needs that are very different. There will be moments when both kids need you at the same time and, when in doubt, I generally try to tend to the toddler first. This is hard and it doesn’t always work, especially when I am breastfeeding the baby and I can’t physically get up to give Annie attention, but I make an effort when I can. Going off of that, don’t blame the baby when things are going poorly. It’s never the baby’s fault. Throw yourself under the bus and blame yourself, never the baby.

3. Tip #3 — Create special traditions and routines for the toddler. We tried hard to establish predictable routines and one-on-one moments with Annie after Olivia was born. Dad took her each Saturday to a music class and then got lunch with her. I did an outing with her every weekend just the two of us generally to get smoothies. And then every Sunday morning, we went to get bagels and brought the baby with us. It helped give our weekends structure and she thrived off of the special alone time with mommy and daddy.

4. Tip #4 — Give the toddler as many jobs as you can to make them feel needed and special. Annie became my baby helper and loved helping me dress the baby, wipe the baby’s face with a burp cloth, help burp the baby etc. I kept lots of extra supplies in an easy to access place so Annie could always be the one to go grab more diapers or wipes. She loved to help and I often needed an extra set of hands anyways.

5. Tip #5 — Don’t talk too much about the baby around the toddler. It’s tempting to say things like, “Don’t you love being a big sister” and “the baby looks just like you” and “Look at how cute the baby is”. All that goes back to my earlier point that toddlers are fairly self-focused. I try to keep my obsession with the baby to myself and instead focus on positive things Annie has done and unique things about her.

And finally — my two biggest pieces of parenting advice:

• Remember that your toddler is still really little. They are going to seem so big and grownup compared to the tiny baby. But they are still so little and still need so much from you. Don’t put higher expectations on them and their behavior because they seem like they can handle it. And:

• Embrace the theory that everything is a phase. The first few weeks home from the hospital with baby #2 were some of the hardest of my life. Parenting a three-year-old on no sleep is not easy, but we survived and it feels like seven-months into this two kids thing we finally are starting to figure out systems and routines that work. It’s often controlled chaos, but I wouldn’t change a thing.

I got most of my tips from Big Little Feelings, Lucie Fink, Chaos with Cara, Wilder Beginnings, and Katie Beach.

Thank you for reading. Any things that worked well for introducing new babies into your family?

If you enjoyed this issue, please consider:

Restacking this newsletter on Substack,

Forwarding this email to a mom friend,

Commenting and liking this post on Substack, and

Screenshotting this newsletter and sharing it on social media.

Your support is appreciated and all of the above helps this newsletter reach more people.